THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

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THE DUDE HAS BEEN FOUND!

Congratulations to Ed Brodie, Mike Nowak, and Steven Sanftner Winners of the 2025 True Story Treasure Hunt

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INTRODUCTION

To set the pins, our story begins
Way out west in California—
Ransom case or wild goose chase?
Don't say we didn't warn ya!

Frame by frame, get into the game;
Lace up your shoes, let's bowl!
There's nothing like a perfect strike—
Just wind up and let 'er roll!

Due to profanity and inurbanity,
This hunt is rated R—
So go top shelf and mix yourself
A beverage at the bar!

FRAME #1

The Little Lebowski lost his house key
Crossing all over creation,
So start your jalopy and go find a copy—
Or crack the combination!

Under steel canopy minus all majesty—
Incisively Coen-esque—a
Split to score will unlock the door;
Que la paz prevalezca.

FRAME #2

Before hegemony, the way of Kapemni—
Where waters mirror the sky—
Spread over the land with a gentle hand,
Reflecting a spirit most high.

It's an attitude espoused by The Dude,
But it's not for everybody;
To live it by heart—down to a fine art—
Necessitates careful study.

FRAME #3

Pilot your beater to Crane Jackson's Theatre,
The venue for Marty's performance—
"A Dance of Life" through pain and strife—
At an establishment in accordance.

Thither, the thirty stand stony and sturdy,
Keeping watch over the stage,
Where Billy's sad story—lost in purgatory—
Springs forth from the playbill page!

FRAME #4

Hatch the plot in a smoldering spot
Where, as the going says—
A melody sung in the mother tongue—
¿Parla usted ingles?

A nonplussed Dude abode the feud
With trademark nonchalancin'—
Taking up tools against nihilist fools
And dickering over his Johnson!

FRAME #5

Follow the rail to a trenchant trail
Alongside a sinuous stream—
On winding river, a sylvan sliver,
Like a Busby Berkeley dream.

A silver spangle reflects the right angle
For sarsaparillas with The Stranger;
The furrow features aquatic creatures—
What are you, a fuckin' park ranger?

FRAME #6

Loop around on your way outta town
To fashion a figure eight—
Completing a circuit while you work it
By sneaking through the gate!

Nearby, neighbors, fleet in their labors,
Put in the kilowatt-hours;
A cosmic current, as it weren't—
Like a world of solar powers.

FRAME #7

As you forge a trail to the gorge,
En route to the key of the valley,
Make the rounds to find the grounds,
While winding toward the finale.

Red Scare snitch, real son of a bitch,
And chronicler of crimes,
The scandal baron was a major Karen—
In the parlance of our times.

FRAME #8

Swoop the loop to get the scoop
And solve the Duder's case—
Look for a hook where pi marks nook
And cut to the end of the chase!

Impudent, imprudent, a sub-par student—
But a powerful adversary—
Devoid of expression, he dodges the question:
"Is this your homework, Larry?"

FRAME #9

Run 'round the ball, once and for all,
To solve this investigation;
Keep your mind limber: take to the timber
And have another caucasian.

Scruffy with fuzz, the park is abuzz,
So bowlers, please be advised:
By the hair of their chin, those therein
Will be pleasantly surprised.

FRAME #10

To find evidence, apply common sense
And a properly sharpened utensil;
For a mess of potage from furtive frottage,
Use a trusty number-two pencil.

Our final outing might have you shouting,
"This is a private residence, man!"
So sneak to a seat across the street,
And sort out the rest of our plan...

Connect the dots to correlate plots,
And chart a course for the end—
To crack the cache and scatter the ash
In the name of our fallen friend.

  ROLL-OFF!

At the Introduction of this production,
We'd picked out a spot on the track—
But shit hit the fan as our story began,
And we had to circle back...

So off we did ride to set up our hide,
Following the Grand Rounds—
Keeping eyes peeled to winnow the field,
In search of suitable grounds.

Heading west on our Möbius quest,
We sought retreat from a storm—
A narrow berth, for what it's worth;
Not much room to swarm.

Thereupon we commended Donny
With a view overlooking the valley—
Marking our coda with two oat sodas
For a fittingly fond finale.

So shrug, abide, and crawl inside
To put a cease to your searches;
And use your key to declare victory—
Or dial in the pivotal purchase!

A monthlong pilgrimage through a world of Coenalia — from TCTreasure
September 7-October 11, 2025

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